Settle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Aftrer serving in Afganistan, some GIs were were lucky to spend the festive season with their families. The lucky ones were in Germany to catch the connecting flight to the USA. Yet there was a considerable dealy in waiting. Hence, the last remaining nine Officers were requested to share a large army style room.
There were three of each from the Army, Ari Force and Navy respectively. As allocated they grouped into three sections of the same hall. When they were about to settle in their beds an actractive young blond was also brought to the very place as there were no accomadation anywhere else. The co-operative entertainer, did not mind in sharing the same hall as there was no other alaternative.
Following morning at the breakfast the waiter asked each group what they would like to drink. The Army, Air Force and Navy settled down with black coffee. The blond ordered, Indian Tea with no milk and suger. The the waiter asked how come she not settle for coffee. She promptly more...

A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000. "How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was annoyed. "So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up." "But we didn't use any of these!" explained the couple. "If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply. "In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the man. "What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't sleep with your wife!" "If yo u didn't use - that's your more...

I'd graduated from college and moved back home. I spent my days sleeping and my nights were all spent with my buddies out chasing girls and partying. In short, I was just taking it easy and didn't have any specific goals in mind.

My grandfather stopped by and asked what my plans were.

"Well, Grandpa, I thought I'd just take it easy for awhile."

"Son, I think it's time for you to settle down and start looking for a job. Before you know it, you're going to be 30."

"But, Grandpa, I'm closer to 20 than 30. I've still got eight years before I'm 30!"

"Yes, but when are you going to be 20 again?"

An couple decided to stay at a very exclusive, WASP only
hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for
what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided
to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill
and were surprised to find they owe $3000.
"How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was annoyed.
"So?" said the manager, "This is a very expensive hotel. We have
golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars
and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."
"But we didn't use any of these!" explained the couple.
"If you didn't use-that's your problem," came the reply.
"In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl
who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the
man.
"What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't
sleep more...

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 ” thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of more...