Settler Jokes / Recent Jokes

May be offensive to Native Americans.
A community of settlers was moving in on an Indian Tribe. Most Indian tribes had a medicine man who was the leader of the tribe. Well the settlers were planning to move the Indians off their land to build a town. The big chief of the Indians did not like it at all. So he decided to go to the settlers and tell them that he was not moving.
The big chief finds one settler and says, "ME BIG CHIEF WANT TO SEE MEDICINE MAN!"
The settler had no idea what the chief was talking about, so he sent him to the pharmacist down the road.
The chief says to the pharmacist,"YOU MEDICINE MAN??"
The pharmacist replies,"yes."
The chief says "ME BIG CHIEF NO MOVE!!" Well the pharmacist thinks that the Indian must be constipated, so he gives him some ex-lax and sends him on his way.
A week later the chief shows up again and says, "ME BIG CHIEF STILL NO MOVE!"
The pharmacist thought about more...

In the old west, a settler is watching an Indian meeting. There is an old woman sitting on a hippopotamus hide, and two younger women sitting on other types of pelts. Everybody seems to be listening to the old woman, but paying only half as much attention to the younger ones.

After a while the settler asks his Indian guide why the older woman is treated with so much more respect.

The guide answers, "The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides."

May be offensive to Native Americans.
A community of settlers was moving in on an Indian Tribe. Most Indian tribes had a medicine man who was the leader of the tribe. Well the settlers were planning to move the Indians off their land to build a town. The big chief of the Indians did not like it at all. So he decided to go to the settlers and tell them that he was not moving.
The big chief finds one settler and says, "ME BIG CHIEF WANT TO SEE MEDICINE MAN!"
The settler had no idea what the chief was talking about, so he sent him to the pharmacist down the road.
The chief says to the pharmacist,"YOU MEDICINE MAN??"
The pharmacist replies,"yes."
The chief says "ME BIG CHIEF NO MOVE!!" Well the pharmacist thinks that the Indian must be constipated, so he gives him some ex-lax and sends him on his way.
A week later the chief shows up again and says, "ME BIG CHIEF STILL NO MOVE!"
The pharmacist thought more...

This anecdote is about two Indians settled in England. One had been living there for some years and had picked up some of their quaint euphemisms. The other, a recent settler, was as yet unaware of them. They were invited for dinner by their English friends. After they had had their drinks, their hostess asked them,' Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?'
The knowledgeable one replied,' No thanks.' The new settler replied, i washed my hands before I came.'
On their way back after dinner, the older settler admonished his friend,' My dear chap, in England "would you like a wash" does not mean "would you like to wash your hands". It is a polite way of asking, "would you like to urinate?"' The new settler made a mental note of it.
Some days later he was invited by another English friend and after he had had his drinks he was asked by his hostess:' Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?'
He replied promptly,' No, thank you, more...

English settler: Excuse me Mr. Indian, what does that one feather mean?

Indian 1: It means I screwed one women.

English settler: Oh, you must be very loyal to your wife.

Indian 1: No, I'm just unpopular. Go see that Indian over there. He's popular.

English settler: Excuse me Mr. Indian, what do those five feathers mean?

Indian 2: It means I screwed five women.

English settler: You must be popular.

Indian 2: No I'm not. Go see him. He's popular.

English settler: Excuse me Mr. Indian, what do those ten feathers mean?

Indian 3: It means I screwed ten women.

English settler: You must be popular.

Indian 3: No I'm not. Go see the chief. He's popular.

The English settler goes to see the chief. The chief is surrounded by feathers. He has so many feathers that the English settler couldnt even see him.

English settler: Excuse me Mr. Chief, what do all more...