Seven Jokes / Recent Jokes

I got this joke from a roommate of mine, Keith Brown.
He acquired it when he went back to his hometown to
substitute teach at his high school. Sitting in the
teacher's lounge, they were telling jokes and the
principal told this one...
One day, an elderly woman went in to the main Citibank office
in downtown New York City and asked the window teller if she
could speak to the president of the bank. Upon being questioned
as to why she needed to see him, the elderly woman said that
she wished to deposit seven million dollars.
The teller then rushed back to the president and said that
there was a woman who wished to deposit seven million dollars
and that she wished to see the president. Naturally, the
president excitedly said, "Well, send her right in!"
After the elderly woman and the president had talked for some
time about security and insurance and whatnot, she started to
fill out some papers. By this time the more...

Monty Stein, in the year 3047, committed quite a heist and made off with quite a tidy sum. He was eventually caught, and the judge sentenced him to seven years imprisonment.
However, the night before his impending incarceration, he calmly set his time machine for seven years and one day, and stepped through.
When he emerged in 3054, there was quite an uproar. Prosecution maintained that Monty Stein never actually served the sentence, since effectively no time passed for him.
Defense stated that the effect was basically the same, since he lost seven years of living in society, or something to that effect.
Both sides called each other names (as lawyers are wont to do).
Eventually, Stein was set free. Some say that the judge succumbed to peer pressure; others said that he simply couldn't resist the temptation.
For his decision, in full, was: "A NICHE IN TIME SAVES STEIN." (By Isaac Asimov)
The cartoon characters were playing draw poker between the more...

Ira and Esther Goldberg had a large family of seven healthy children. They moved to America from Europe and were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in.

Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to such a large family.

After several days of unsuccessful searching, Ira asked Esther to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment.

After they had looked most of the morning, they found a place that was just right.

The landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?"

Ira answered with a deep sigh, "Seven... but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."

He got the apartment!

A Bloke in Australia walks up to the bar with a big ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The barman comes over, regarding the trio with some curiosity, and says, "What'll it be?" The man says, "I'll have a pint", and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have a pint as well", says the ostrich. Bloke looks at the cat, and says "I suppose you want a drink too."

The cat replies, "I'll have a half, but I ain't fookin' payin'!"

So the barman pulls two and a half pints, and says "That'll be three pounds forty, please." The man reaches into his pocket, feels around, and, to the barman's surprise, pulls out exactly the three-forty in change. A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the exact amount out of the same pocket.

The next day, the man, the ostrich, and the cat return to the same bar. "I'll have a more...

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

Child Ballad 37 deals with Thomas the Rhymer. . . this piece is based upon that and, of course, interaction I observed among SCAdians

True Aubrey in Lady Christiana's Den
(or Spare Room, as the case may be: -)

1 Lord Aubrey visited a shire
And he beheld a ladie gay,
A ladie whose hospitalitie
Was knowne through mundane Thunder Bay

2 Her manor ringed around with snow
Was warm, and lit with lanterns bryht
Ant for Aubrey, who sought crash space
Looked fair to spend the nyht

3 True Aubrey he took off his hat,
And bowed him low down till his knee:
' All hail, thou Queen of Heaven's Lodging!
For its peer on earth I never did see.'

4' O no, O no, Lord Aubrey,' she says,
' This hall is not that which you name;
I offer but my humble home,
If you've come here for to visit me.

* * * * *

5 But ye maun stay wi me now, Aubrey,
Dear Sherriff, ye maun stay more...

There are TWO teams, with eleven players each (instead of nine as in baseball).

Instead of four bases, there are only two; in the middle of the field, sixty-six feet apart... all running is between the two bases... the ball can be hit in front, OR behind... or, in ANY direction.

Instead of rotating batting for nine innings each, EACH team does all its batting in a SINGLE inning.

The team scoring more runs wins the game.



[NOTE: Unlike baseball, where a pitcher rests every 10 or so pitches when the BATTING rotates, cricket pitchers rest every 6 pitches as their PITCHING rotates.]


The fielding team works with TWO pitchers at the same time.

The first pitcher throws from one base to the other. After six throws, the catcher moves around behind the first pitcher's base, pitcher #2 takes over. He makes six throws in the opposite direction (i. e. towards the starting pitcher's base). The two pitchers keep more...