Shame Jokes / Recent Jokes

Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people-many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women-ooops, "women and men"-we
present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame."
Following are their accounts...
Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the more...

What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?

If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

SHARING A DONKEY
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the
donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people
who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was
riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they
changed positions.
Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that
little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk
when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put
such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably
right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell
into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story; "If you try to more...

A burglar had been casing a particular house for some time. Finally, he
saw the owners leave for what appeared to be an extended camping trip.
That night he broke in through a basement window and was trying to find
his way in the dark when he heard what seemed to him to be the voice of
a very old woman saying "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!"
Startled, the burglar snarls back "Shut up, Grandma, or you're gonna
get hurt!" He shines his flashlight all around, but no Grandma.
Again the voice: "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!"
Finally, the beam of the flashlight finds a large cage and in it
a pretty upset parrot. Relieved, the burglar turns back around and
starts toward the stairs, only to spot an enormous slavering doberman
waiting at the top.
Just then the parrot screams, "Sic'em, Jesus!"
John R. Snyder

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"? A: There was an empty seat. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand. Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A. From chasing parked ambulances. Q. Where can you find a good lawyer? A. In the cemetery. Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time. Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night. Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle. Q: Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? A: Because deep down, they're really good people. Q: What does a lawyer use for birth-control? A: His personality. Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? A: Stick his bill up his ass.