Shit Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman goes to a doctor with a problem. She's sat on the chair next to the doctor, and she's very hesitant about describing her problem. Eventually, the doctor manages to discover that she thinks she may be sexually perverted."What sort of perversion are you talking about?" asks the doctor."Well," said the woman, "I like to be... Ohh... Ah... Ummm... I'm sorry doctor, but I'm too ashamed to talk about it.""Come, come, my dear. I'm a doctor you know; I've been trained to understand these problems. So what's the matter...?"So the woman again tried to explain, but got so embarrassed that she just turned bright red and looked as though she might faint. It was then the doctor had a bright idea."Look," he said, "I'm a bit of a pervert myself. So if you show me what your perversion is, I'll show you what mine is. Okay? Is it a deal?"The woman considered the offer and after a short while agreed that it was a fair request. So after a more...

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW. SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new more...

This homeless guy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme whiskey."

The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first."

"I'm broke, sonny, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart dixie!"

The bartender had never seen someone fart any kind of song, so he agrees. The homeless guy drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers up on stage and the audience starts applauding. Then he drops his pants and the audience starts cheering even louder. Then, he proceeds to shit all over the stage, and everyone gets disgusted and leaves.

The bartender screams, "You said you were gonna fart dixie! Not shit all over my stage!"

The guy replies, "Hey! Even Bob Dylan has to clear his throat before he sings!"

POEM # 1
Roses are red,
Pickles are green,
I love your legs and what's between.
POEM # 2
Roses are red,
Grass is green,
Open your legs,
And I'll fuck you clean.
POEM # 3
I like your style,
I like your class,
but most of all I like your ass.
POEM # 4
Im a cool girl, in a cool town,
It takes a real mother fucker to put me down.
POEM # 5
Kissing is a habit,
Fucking is a game,
Guys get all the pleasure,
Girls get all the pain.
The guy says I love you,
You believe it's true,
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says "to hell with you".
10 minutes of pleasure,
9 monthes in pain,
3 days in hospital,
A baby without a name.
The baby is a bastard,
The mother is a whore,
This never wouldn't have happened,
If the rubber hadn't torn.
POEM # 6
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.
POEM # 7
Smoke a smoke,
Not a butt;
Fuck a more...

there are three guys golfing a pope a biship and a cardinal and the pope and the bishup get hole in ones 2 times and the cardinal says oh shit and the pope says if the cardinal says that again he will get god to strike him down so the cardinal says it again and the pope says god strike him down and god throw a lightning bolt at the pope by acadent and god says oh shit

Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

There are three guys sitting on the bench suddenly a devil appears and says give me your life by jumping from that cliff and I will give you 1 wish
The first guy went and jumped he said he wants to be the king of the world and he did
The second guy jumped and said i wanna be in a pool with lots of girls and he got in the pool with the girls.
The third one tried to jump but he tripped on a rock and he said oh shit and he fell in a pool full of shit.