Shotgun Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a redneck if you like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk!

Yo momma is like a shotgun, one cock and she'll blow

A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help.
Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders.
Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction.
The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm more...

One of the least appealing aspects of adulthood is having to acknowledge the world for what it is and not turn it into something it should be. Kids don’t see the world for what it is – kids see the world as a huge playground.

Case in point: when I was 10 years old, my friend John and I accompanied John’s mother to the local supermarket. To John’s mother, the supermarket was a place to purchase groceries. For John and little me, it was an amusement park – complete with bumper cars (which the adults would only see as grocery carts) and racing speedways (which the adults call “aisles”).

With John’s mother wandering the aisle in search of whatever, John and I devised a new game. John would pilot a grocery cart and I would ride shotgun on the side of the cart. John would power this vehicle to zoom up and down the speedways (or aisles, if you will) with the idea of trying to dislodge me from my roost on the side of the cart. For a pair of 10 year olds, this more...

An old prospector is riding on his mule in the desert, when he's suddenly confronted by a young, drunk and unruly cowboy. The young cowboy tells the prospector to get off the mule, then asks the prospector, "Hey, old-timer - do you know how to dance?" The prospector says, "No, I reckon I don't know how to dance."
So, the young cowboy pulls his six-gun out of its holster and unloads all six rounds right under the prospector's boots. The prospector danced up a storm while the blazing lead kicked up a storm right under his feet. The young, punk cowboy thought it was so funny he fell to the ground in laughter.
The prospector then casually walked over to his mule and pulled out a double-barrel 12-gauge shotgun and walked back behind the mule and lifted its tail straight into the air. He then pointed the shotgun at the cowboy and said, "Young man, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The cowboy replied, "No, Mister Prospector... BUT I'VE ALWAYS more...

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof so he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks. "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat." "When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"

Paddy decided to rob a bank. He got all the gear together - stocking mask, sawn-off shotgun, getaway car and so on - but he realised his accent would mark him out as Irish, so he took elocution lessons for almost a year until he could finally pass as an Englishman.

On the day of the robbery, he donned his mask, rushed into the bank and said, "I say there, I'm terribly sorry but this is a robbery. Be a good chap and fill this sack with lots of lovely lolly."

The cashier said, "you're Irish aren't you?"

Paddy was astonished. "How the divil did ye figure dat out?" he asked.
The cashier replied, "it was easy, you've sawn the wrong end off your shotgun!"