Shoulder Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men are sitting in the doctor's office.

The first man is holding his shoulder in pain, while the second has ketchup in his hair, fried egg down the front of his shirt and two sausages sticking out of his pockets.

After a while, the second man asks the other what happened.

"My cat got stuck in a tree," the man says, gripping his arm. "I went up after him and fell out. I think I've broken my shoulder. You?"

"Oh, it's nothing serious," the second man replies. "I'm just not eating properly."

A man went to his doctor and was told that he only had 24 hours to live. He went home and told his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only had 24 hours left.
"Of course, darling," she replied, and they had sex.
Four hours later they were lying in bed and he turned to her and asked, "Do you think we could do it again since I only have 20 hours left to live?"
Again, she responded sympathetically and agreed to have sex.
Another 8 hours passed, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, when he tapped on the shoulder and asked her again, "You know, honey, I only have 12 hours left. Why don't we do it again for old time's sake?"
By this time she was beginning to get a little annoyed, but reluctantly agreed.
When they finished, she went back to sleep only to have him tap her on the shoulder 4 hours later, "Honey, I really hate to keep bothering you, but I do only more...

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady Answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."

Jon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.
The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.
The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap more...

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser.""Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off... watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!""Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear more...

A lovely young thing entered a doctor's office on her lunch hour and addressed a handsome young man in a white coat. "I've had a pain in my shoulder for a week. Can you help me?"
"Lie down on this table," he said, "and I'll massage it for you." After a few minutes, the beauteous patient exclaimed, "Doctor, that isn't my shoulder!"
The young man smiled and replied: "No, and I'm not a doctor, either."

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.
"Of course Darling." she replied. And so they have sex.
Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, "you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?"
Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have more...