Shouted Jokes / Recent Jokes

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!""Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?""We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got' em all."

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, little johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it." Is it wine?" she asked." No," little johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue." Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little johnny replied, "A puppy!"

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!!!"

Once there was a church and a fire breathing, Hell and damnation Preacher giving a sermon against all the evils of life. He said: "Down with gambling. Let us all stop gambling."
"AMEN, PREACHER, AMEN!" shouted a little ole lady down on the front row.
The Preacher shouted: "DOWN WITH DRINKING OF ALCOHOL!"
"AMEN, PREACHER, AMEN!" again shouted the little ole lady down in the front row.
In fact, every time the Preacher preached against the evil vices of man, like carousing, staying out late, uncleanliness, or swearing she would shout the same thing or a variation there of.
Now all at once the Preacher raised his voice even higher and shouted. "DOWN WITH TOBACCO AND SNUFF AND ALL THOSE DEVIL'S DEVISES TO RUIN THE HEALTH OF GOD'S CHILDREN!"
The little lady jumped up and stomped out of the church, and she could be heard saying: "Now he has gone too far and got into something that is none of His business. I just more...

A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they attended a party. When the man decided it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well, he shouted across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, finally shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the contractor, through the second floor of her new house to show him what colors to paint the rooms. "I'd like the bathroom done in white!" Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, "Green up! Green up!" "I want the bedroom in blue!" continued the woman. The contractor listened and yelled out the window, "Green up! Green up!" "The halls should be done in beige!" she instructed. Again, the man barked out the window, "Green up! Green up!" "Will you stop that?!" shouted the woman. "Every time I give you a color, all you do is shout' Green up!' What the devil does that mean?"' Tm real sorry, ma'am!" explained Corbett. "But I got three Oklahoma basketball players down there tryin' to put in the front lawn!"

This gay fellow was walking down the street, when he came across a huge guy with a hiry chest. He went up to the guy and said "Excuse me sir, uh do you mind if i ask how you got such a lovely chest? "It's easy" the bloke replied, "you just rub vasoline on it every night before you go to bed" So the gay fellow ran home to his boy friend and told him all about it, and the boyfriend replied "That can't be right, or you would have a pony tail growing out of your ass by now" ******************* A man walked into a bar, and he got very drunk He shouted out so that everyone could hear him, "all lawyers are arse holes!" Then a person shouted back saying that he resented what the drunken man had said. Th drunk man said, "why? Are you a lawyer". No the man replied, I'm an arse hole. ******************** One day they were three suicidal prostitute, they wanted to kill themselves so they decided to jump of a 50 story building. The first more...