Shouting Jokes / Recent Jokes
I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low
Prices.
Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors
Heaven: Eternal
Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours
Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
Wal-Mart: Where old people go when they retire
Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone
Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers
Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint
Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
Wal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices
Heaven: Sam Walton -- now a resident!
Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola -- now more...
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' home. At bedtime, they were kneeling beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest boy began to pray at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BIKE. I PRAY FOR A NEW GAMEBOY ADVANCE. I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD PLAYER... "
His older brother nudged him and asked, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf, you know."
"I know," replied his little brother, "but grandma is!"
Rumors have been circulating regarding what the troopers were shouting after they found the man hiding Elian Gonzalez in a closet during the raid of the house that was illegally holding him. Some people claim they were shouting,"Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!" Others claim it was "Score! Score! Score!"But the real truth is, when the trooper ripped open the closet door and was brought face to face with the fisherman holding Elian, he shouted, "Drop the chalupa!"
A man is walking along the road, when he hears someone shouting "Twelve! Twelve!" over a fence.
As he walks closer to the fence, they start shouting "Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Curious, the man looks through a gap in the fence. Suddenly he's poked in the eye by a man on the other side, and as he lies there, clutching his head, the man hears "Fourteen! Fourteen!"
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, “BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO….. ”
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts “Be silent! ”
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, “OEING! OEING! OEING! OE…. ”
There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?" Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying. One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her."
He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing more...
Pavement hawkers in Sri Lanka are wonderful charactors. They have strange language and interesting life style. I know so many stories about them.
A pavement guy who sells shirts shouting like a slogan " pita ne.... pita ne.." The instant meaning is " not available for that cheap price". But the real meaning is "back part of the shirt is missing". The one who buys a shirt will realize the actual meaning at home.
One day when I was walking in front of the Ceylinco builing in Colombo I heard someone was shouting " ceylinco..... ceylinco.." I noticed a pavement guy is selling ladies' undergarments.(BRAS)
I asked him why he is shouting like that. He showed me a huge banner in front of the Ceylinco Insurance Co which says " BIG OR SMALL,,, WE PROTECT THEM ALL "
See how nice?