Shouting Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day in Soweto a delivery truck pulls up outside the Mandela house. The driver gets out and unloads al pile of boxes on to the front lawn. At this point Winnie Mandela arrives back from shopping and accosts the driver: "What are you doing? What is all this stuff on my garden!"
"Look lady," says the driver "see this paper it say 150 car batteries for Nelson Mandela."
And with that he jumps in his truck and drives off.
The next day The truck again pulls up outside the Mandela house and the driver starts to unload. This time Winnie runs out shouting: "What are you doing now?"
"Lokk lady, It says here 200 brake shoes for Nelson Mandela"
"But what does my Nelson want with 200 Brake shoes and 150 batteries, take them away!" shouts Winnie
"No lady I have to leave them or I get the sack", says the driver who has now finished throwing boxes on to the grass, and drives off.
The following more...
It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!"
The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!" "Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"
After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if more...
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING! BOEING!!! BO... " She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
A brunette was doing jumping jacks on a railroad track shouting twenty-one repeatedly. A blonde walks by and said, "Wow, that looks fun, could I try?" The brunette stepped aside and watched the blonde. Then, the train came by and smashed her. The blonde then got back on to the track and began shouting, twenty-two repeatedly
In this holiday season, the presents are under the tree, the good feelings are flowing... then the criminals kick into high gear and you have to see your family. Every bit of good is offset with a little bit of bad. Can you thrive and survive this holiday season? Take this quiz and find out.
Part I: The Night Before Christmas
1: When up on the roof there arises such a clatter, you...
A. Jump out of bed shouting "Santa's here!"
B. Jump out of bed shouting "What the %&!@ was that?!"
C. Grab a shotgun and start firing toward the sound of footsteps.
2: Finish this famous line from a X-mas tradition: "On..."
A. "a gada da vida."
B. "top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese..."
C. "Cupid, on Comet, on Donder and Blitzen!"
3: By the way, what is a Blitzen?
A. An incredible drink with five kinds of rum.
B. Isn't it that thing they serve with jam at a deli?
C. A reindeer, more...
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You sign, you sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement when the Japanese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you`ve obviously got the wrong bloke. Get lost!" and shuts the door in the Japanese man`s face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back, with a huge truck full of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson`s nose, yelling "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, get lost!! You`ve got the wrong bloke! I don`t want them!" then slams the door in the Japanese man`s face again. The following more...