Signal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the
inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him:
"What would you do if you realised that 2 trains were heading for each
other on the same track?"
Andy says,"I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy,"and I'd use the
manual lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Andy continues,"I'd run back into the signal box and phone the
next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Andy,"I'd rush down out of the box and
use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalised?"
"Oh well then I'd run more...

HER DIRECTIONS:
80....(SF)....just after the weight station near Cordelia (i think) will be an exit for 14...Sonoma and Napa....take it.....follow it all the way thru.....till you end up in Fairfield...there is a signal next to...a Beer joint i think it is....i don't know...but you merge to the right which turns into a lil 2 lane freeway dealy....go thru the signal...go over the bridge thing....then when you get to the next signal....make a left to go to death valley....you'll be on Carneros Hwy....then you will come to a sort of dead end with a blinking red light....turn right....the road will give you a choice to go straight or veer right.....VEER RIGHT. stay on this road till you see a buncha power stuff...ya know, those big metal thingamajigs....there will be a stop sign...you can either go straight or turn right on Lincoln. ..well...turn right....follow that to the end....its kinda a long way....you will hit old bluewood hwy....turn right on old bluewood.....follow it more...

One day a blonde wanted to call her house to tell her mom she was home. Well when she got the phone she dial her number and all she got was a busy signal. And she swore they had call waiting. She kept trying to call over and over agian. Then she went to her moms room and told her mom that their line was busy every time she tried to call. Then her mom said,"Swetie, you are using the house phone to call the house!"

You are immune to the smell of "the kimchi breath." You no longer come to a complete stop at the stop sign and you never yield the right-of-way. You can pick up a single strand of noodles with chopsticks. You ask for more "ko-chu" because the kimchi-chige soup is not hot enough. You enjoy slurping your noodles as loudly as you can. Your back is sore from bowing. You walk down the street holding hands with your buddy. You ask your wife to stand outside with a baseball bat to protect your public parking space in front of the house. You can eat barefooted in a restaurant with a foot in your lap. You can cut in at the front of the line of waiting people with the best of them. You look forward to winter in your off post housing so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom or bathroom. You can fall asleep on the city bus and wake up at your stop. You can shovel in an entire bowl of rice and half a course of Bulkogi into your mouth before you swallow. You rather more...

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!" The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back - once again, with the smoke: "OK, chief, but why so much? " At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky... The tribe signals: "Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?"

A dental surgery had been having an unusually busy day, and
ran out of local anaesthetic just before the last extraction
for the day was to be performed.
Keen to ensure that a far more painless extraction from the
patient's wallet would not be hindered, the dentist gave the
nurse a very large needle.
He instructed her to jab it firmly into the patient in the end
opposite to that from which the tooth was to be extracted,
when the signal was given.
It all happened in an instant. The patient and pliers were
in place. The signal was given, the needle driven well
home, and with a quick tug out came the tooth.
The dentist said, "Hurt much?"
The patient hesitated,
"Didn't even feel it come out... tell you what, though, the roots
were sure in deep!"
Courtesy 612 4QR Nighttime Funnies. Mon-Thu 7.30pm

Ed was applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
When they met, the inspector decided to give Ed a pop quiz. "What would you do if you realized that two trains were headed towards each other on the same track?" the inspector asked.
"I would switch one of the trains to another track," answered Ed.
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then, I would run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," a confident Ed replied.
"What if that lever had been struck by lightning?" the inspector challenged.
"In that case," Ed continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?" the inspector asked.
"Well, then I would run to the street level and use the public phone near the station," Ed argued.
"What if it had been more...