Signed Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walked into a room to meet with his accountant.
The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The accountant didn't answer.
The Godfather asked again, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney interrupted, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."
The Godfather said, "Well, ask him where the @#!* money is."
The attorney, using sign language, asked the accountant where the three million dollars was.
The accountant signed back, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The attorney interpreted to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulled out a pistol, put it to the temple of the accountant, cocked the trigger and said, "Ask him again where the @#!* money is!"
The attorney signed more...

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

Further evidence that if you try to make something' Idiot Proof,' the universe will invent better idiots.... Herewith, some [more] evidence that the gene pool may need a little chlorine: ----------

Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.

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I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. --------

Warning!

At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card / bank card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't more...

(If any of these are not original, please blame it on my Commerce 335 professor,
Dr. Yair Wand. Otherwise, all humour can be attributed to him as the source.)
A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised
tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those
interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class.
Students were quick to comment on the professor's genetics. Well, one day a
student entered through the front doors of the lecture hall, while the prof was
writing notes on the chalkboard. The professor caught the student out of the
corner of his eye (this acute sense of peripheral vision, further supported the
rumours of his evolution), and turned to face the student. He demanded, "What
do you think you're doing?" Being a science student, one naturally thinks
quickly, so the student snapped up and replied, "I came down from the back to
get more...

A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed theDeclaration of Independence?" He said, "Damn if I know." She was a littleput out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring hisfather with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe. She started back in on her quizand finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Whosigned the Declaration of Independence?" "Well, hell, teacher," Johnnysaid, "I told you I didn't know." The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed thatdamn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"Sent by Kelly

Years ago it was required that in order for a student to receive credit for a particular course, a card (listing of his/her courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly.

Not so, with this physics professor...if he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course (& attend!). On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card.

Now being a science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his card to the prof. The prof looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "You look familiar. OK", and signed the card.

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He wentthough the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higherand higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from anairplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him thenews. "So, did you jump?" the father asked. "Well, let me tell you whathappened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the doorand asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked outof the plane!" Is that when you jumped?" asked the father. "Um, not yet.Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throwthem out the door." "Did you jump then?" asked the father. "I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last manleft on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. Hetold be to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt." "So, did you jump?""Not then. He tried to more...