Signed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wayfroy P. Jackson: 6'6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Alabama in the last ten years. Loves music. Will demand a mini-cassette player. Holds world record for the most "you knows" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfroy can print his complete name. Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6'3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Melrose High School, Charlotte, N.C. Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm. Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6'1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Omaha. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick". Woodrow Lee Washington: 6'8", 310 lbs. Tackle. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims
Woodrow and child more...

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. The difference between the Pope and your boss. ... The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

3. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

4. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

5. Just remember. .. if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

6. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was "turn signal fluid."

7. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm more...

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."

A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
He was older than some of the others. He said, " Damn if I know who signed the fucking thing."
She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe, as the teacher requested. She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I

Saddam Hussein's stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK'd a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools. A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he's still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin) AT&T announced last week it will lay off up to 8, 000 employees. Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting the layoffs as a new feature called job forwarding. El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries. A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm. It sank 65 more...

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, "Before you signed thedeath certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner says, "No." The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not takenany steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The corner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let meput it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on mydesk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing lawsomewhere."

Back in those days, it was required that in order for a student to receive credit for a particular
course, a card (listing of his/her courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at
the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was
often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly.
Not so, with this physics professor... if he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course
(& attend!).
On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at
the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card. Now being a
science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at
the front again, he handed his card to the prof. The prof looked at the name, then at the student,
and said, "You look familiar. OK," more...