Simple Jokes / Recent Jokes

Programmers Sayings...
''BASIC - A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.'' - Anon.
''I speak BASIC to clients, 1-2-3 to management, and mumble to myself.'' - Anon.
''If you're masochistic enough to program in ADA, we're not going to stop you.'' - Matt Welsh
''Don't get suckered in by the comments... they can terribly be misleading.'' - Dave Storer
''If we can dispel the delusion that learning about computers should be an activity of fiddling with array indexes and worrying whether X is an integer or a real number, we can begin to focus on programming as a source of ideas.'' - Harold Abelson
''Optimization hinders evolution.'' - Anon.
''Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals.'' - Henry Spencer
''The best book on programming for the layman is Alice in Wonderland; but that's because it's the best book on anything for layman.'' - more...

When people say keep it simple stupid....if you really think about things than what wouldyou call it keep it complicated smartie

There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrrong.
There is no limit to how bad things can get.
There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don’t care who gets the credit.
There is no problem a good miracle can’t solve.
There is no problem so large that it cannot be solved by the application of a correctly chosen thermonuclear device.
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
There is no such thing as a “dirty capitalist”, only a capitalist.
There is no such thing as instant experience.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.

Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous.

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
II. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
III. Use the element of surprise. Pick more...

A deaf couple married and found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out, since they couldn't see each other signing or lips to lip-read.
After numerous nights of fumbling around the wife decided she had a solution. "Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For example, if you want to have sex at night, squeeze my left breast once, if you don't, then reach over and squeeze my right breast twice."
Thinking it over, the husband agreed that it sounded like a great idea. He then suggested to his wife, "If you want to have sex at night, reach over and pull my penis once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my penis two hundred times."

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?""That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."