Sing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: “Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing ‘Wild Blue Yonder’, and then jump off! ”
“YES SIR! ” replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. “Now that’s bravery! ” exclaims the general.
“Ah, that’s nothing, ” says the Admiral, “Seaman! ” A seaman appears, “YES, SIR!! ” “Take this weapon, ” as he offers him an M14, “Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing ‘Anchors Aweigh. ’ Salute each of us, and jump off.
“Yes sir!! ” replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the weapon more...

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
"It's beautiful!" cried the man, "Does he do any tricks?"
"Yes he does," answered the salesman.
"If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'"
"Amazing!" exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately.
That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.
"Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?" asked the wife.
The man smiled and said, "Watch this."
Then he lit a match and put it under the bird's right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The more...

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
"It's beautiful!" cried the man, "Does he do any tricks?"
"Yes he does," answered the salesman. "If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'"
"Amazing!" exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.
"Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?" asked the wife. The man smiled and said, "Watch this."
Then he lit a match and put it under the bird's right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels more...

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.


Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.


Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.


Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the more...

Teacher says to class: "I shall now read you some quotes. Whoever can tell me who said them, and when, they can go home early". Teacher: "Who said "We will fight them on the beaches"?" Lim Sung Wu: "Winston Churchill, 1942". Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish". Lim Sung Wu: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a doctor, and I need to learn all I can". Teacher: "Who said "I shall return"?" Sing Lam Po: "Douglas McArthur, 1944". Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish". Sing Lam Po: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a lawyer, and I need to learn all I can". Johnny, at the back of the room, mutters: "Bloody Asians". Teacher: "Who said that?" Johnny: "Pauline Hanson, 1996", and he runs out of the room, "I'm going home now, see you tomorrow, teacher".

I am sure most people have heard of or watched the popular show the Ozbournes and still more people have Heard Ozzy sing.
My question is how can Ozzy sing if he can't talk???

My Christmas Wish

If I had 1 wish this Christmas, it would be for all the children of the
world to join together in peace and love and sing in harmony.

If I had 2 wishes this Christmas, it would be for
1. All the Children of the world to sing together
2. $1, 000, 000 tax free

If I had 3 wishes this Christmas
1. Kids singing together
2. $1, 000, 000 tax free per year for life
3. To have all encompassing power over the universe

If I had 4 wishes this Christmas
1. The crap about the kids
2. $1, 000, 000
3. All encompassing power
4. 1 extended orgasm to last 30 days, brought about by 2 super models
and, of course, my spouse

Let's face it, the logistics of getting all those kids together is impossible.
So, let's rearrange

1. All encompassing power
2. The orgasm
3. The money

OHHH!! I forgot to strike down my enemies. Okay, so we add that more...