Singaporean Jokes

Chee Soon Juan - Did I say that the chicken crossed the road? I meant the chicken-rice stall across the road, but left out some letters because of typo. SDP vice-chairman - wo ting bu dong ni jiang shen me. (I don't know what you are saying). Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Worker's Party - The PAP doesn't allow chickens to cross the road. Chiam See Tong - The opposition must be loyal to Singapore. Don't eat Hainanese chicken rice. Eat Singapore noodles. Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Chee Soon Juan - Did I say eat Hainanese chicken rice? I said CONSUME chicken rice at the stall across the road. PAP - There is no chicken rice stall across the road. Worker's Party - That is not true. The PAP just doesn't want chickens to cross the road. Chiam See Tong - We must always stay on this side of the road and remain true Singaporeans. Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Chee Soon Juan - Did I say consume chicken rice across the road? I said eat chicken rice OPPOSITE the road. PAP - You said more...

According to reuters, a 16-year old Singaporean student broke the Guinness World Record for shortest amount of time needed to type a 160-character SMS (Short Message Service), completing it in 41.52 seconds. The message was as follows:
No body rlly gives 2 craps about who can type the wrld’s fastest txt mssage and this experment is a wste of time. Nx time will brek this usless recrd in 39 scs

3 POWs were caught by the Germans in a war. They were told that they will be shot at while they ran 100 meters. If they survived after that they would then be set free. So, the 3, a British, a Japanese & a Singaporean, lined up at the start. Bang! They started to ran like they never did before. At the 80 meter mark, the British was shot down. Before he went down, he patriotically shouted,' Long live the Queen' and died. At 90 meters, the Japanese was shot. Before he went down, he shouted,' Banzai' and died. Now the Singaporean was at 93m, 95m, 98m, 99m.... .. Bang! He, too, was shot down. Before he died, he shouted,' KAYU LAH!!' One meter also no discount!'

One day, 4 babies were born at K. K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean. However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them. However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!" At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"