Sir Jokes / Recent Jokes
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so- called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find more...
A& man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked to look of, but he was puzzled by the two strings which were tied on its feet. "What are they for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah, well, sir," came the reply, "that`s a very unusual feature of this particular parrot. You see, he`s a trained parrot, sir - used to be in a circus. If you pull the string on his left foot, he says Hello!, and if you pull the string on his right foot he says Goodbye!" "And what happens if I pull both the strings at the same time?" "I fall from my perch, you fool!" screeched the parrot.
Kids Say The Darnest Things
TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?
JACK: 7 years old
TEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?
JACK: 9 years old
TEACHER: That's impossible!
JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.
TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.
MIKE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Mike! !!
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?
STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.
COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: No.
COOL STUDENT: Good' cos I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.
ALFRED: Me! !!
TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: more...
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was more...
A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you??" The farmer said, "Yeah, I want to get one of them dayvorces." The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yeah, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yeah, I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes, sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4: 30." Finally, the attorney said, "Okay, let me more...
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfectsalute, and snapped out, "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isnt it?"Well it wasnt a nice night, but the Private wasnt going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General continued, "You know theres something about a stormy night that I find soothing, its really relaxing. Dont you agree?"The Private didnt agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, and said, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General continued "I more...
A Boy Went To School Without Combing His Hair.
Teacher: Why Didn't You Comb Your Hair Today?
Student: No Comb Sir. Teacher: So You Should Have Used Your Fathers Comb.
Student: No Hair Sir!