Size Jokes / Recent Jokes

one day there was a man that was having severe headaches. when he went to the doctor the doctor had told him that the only way to get rid of this pain was by cutting of his balls. the man said was uneasy about it and didnt want to but then his head started hurting again so he cut them off. he was feeling so good after that that he went to buy himself a new shirt. as he walked into the door the clerk said " size 30"
the man said "how did you now?"
the clerk said "ive been doing this for 10 years, i know these things"
so the man bought the shirt. he was felling so happy about the shirt thatt he went to buy some socks.
again when he walked in the clerk said "size 12"
"how did you know?"
"ive been doing this for 20 years, i know these things"
the man felt so great about his new socks that he went to buy some boxers
when he walked in the clerk said "size 30"
"nope, size more...

Feel Free to Cut and PasteThe Mr. Right Rejection Letter FormDear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:[Check all those that apply]___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms bythetruckload" indicates that you may be more...

Two old women are walking one day and it starts to rain. One of the women takes a condom out of her pocket. The other woman says "what do you have that for?" And, the first woman says "well, when it rains I use condoms to cover my cigarettes so they don't get wet." The other woman says, "oh, that is a good idea!" So she goes to the pharmacy. While there she asks a clerk "where are the condoms?" and the clerk says are you sure YOU want condoms." And she says yes. So the clerk asks her "what size do you want?" And she replies "Um, big enough to fit over a camel."

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"

The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.

Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"

The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

A man was in an accident and his penis was chopped off. He was
rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him, and after
careful examination said, "We can replace it with a small size
for $2, 000, a medium size for $5, 000, or an extra-large size
for $10, 000. I realize it's a lot of money, so take your time
and talk it over with your wife."
When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring
sadly at the floor.
"We've decided," the man told him as he choked back tears.
"My wife says she'd rather have a new kitchen!"

A teacher is reviewing her class' homework assignment. She asks Susie to stand up and tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated. Susie stands up, shuffles her feet and says, "Well, I think I know, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you."

The teacher says, "Sit down, Susie. Johnny, tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its size when stimulated."

Johnny says, "That's easy. The pupil of the eye enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated by light."

The teacher says, "That's right, Johnny." Then she turns to Susie and says, "Susie, first of all, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, when you get married, you're in for a big disappointment."

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