Sled Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in, fastened his seat-belt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
"What's that for?" Santa asked.
The examiner winked and said, "Well, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're going to lose an engine during take-off."

Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house There were empties and butts Left around by some louse. And the best quart I'd hid By the chimney with care Had been swiped by some creep Who'd discovered it there!
Our hung-over guests Had been poured into bed (They'll wake in the morn With a God-awful head) My tongue, cotton-coated, Hung down to my belt And only the seasick Could know how I felt!
My wife - she had long ago Gone up to bed While visions of Redskins Danced in her head. And I in the parlor Sat all alone, I'd unplugged the cat And put out the phone.
Just then, through a window Came noise and smells Like an overturned beer truck And tinkle of bells! I sprang from my chair To see what was the matter To see what was causing The smell and the clatter.
When what to my wondering Eyes did appear But eight drunken reindeer And sled full of beer! With a little old driver, Nose red as a brick, I knew it was Santa As tight as a tick!
Weaving upward and more...

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
There were empties and butts
Left around by some louse.
And the best quart I'd hid
By the chimney with care
Had been swiped by some creep
Who'd discovered it there!
Our hung-over guests
Had been poured into bed
(They'll wake in the morn
With a God-awful head)
My tongue, cotton-coated,
Hung down to my belt
And only the seasick
Could know how I felt!
My wife - she had long ago
Gone up to bed
While visions of Redskins
Danced in her head.
And I in the parlor
Sat all alone,
I'd unplugged the cat
And put out the phone.
Just then, through a window
Came noise and smells
Like an overturned beer truck
And tinkle of bells!
I sprang from my chair
To see what was the matter
To see what was causing
The smell and the clatter.
When what to my wondering
Eyes did appear
But eight drunken reindeer
And sled more...

The teacher was warning the class about the dangers of going to in cold weather insufficiently clad. "There was one a boy," he said, "who was so eager to go out and play with his sled that he didn`t put a coat or scarf on; he caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia and he died!"

The teacher paused to allow the moral of this story to sink in, when a small voice said, "What happened to the sled ¦.?"

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in, fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

Positive Thinking for Christmas
Lately there's been a lot of negative images and about Christmas conjured up. Usually it's from TV, movies, books, and the Internet. This makes for a sad, dreary Christmas, just the opposite, as what it should be. To cheer up the dreariness, caused by these negatives, the following list should be used. First is listed the negative idea or image. Then is the positive thinking needed to replace those negatives. So with positive thinking everyone will have a Joyous and Happy Christmas Season.
1. Negative
On TV and in movies Santa Claus shown as a drunk being hauled of to jail.
Positive
Think of how easy it is to get a bicycle, instead of your usual lump of coal, by mugging Santa.
2. Negative
How Santa might not get to your house before morning, because of a blizzard.
Positive
How fast the sled and reindeer can fly with a 60 mile per hour tail wind.
3. Negative
Elfs going on strike and there are no toys in the more...

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in, fastened his seat-belt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
"What's that for?" Santa asked.
The examiner winked and said, "Well, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're going to lose an engine during take-off."