Slow Jokes / Recent Jokes
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee1. 0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to Wife1. 0, and it`s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn`t ask for them, Wife1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.
Some features I`d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4. 0:
1. A "Don`t remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don`t lose cache and other objects).
I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0, but it didn`t have an uninstall program. I tried more...
Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy.
Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant.
It read - “We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb! ”
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What`s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don`t know, but I`ve never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let`s have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what`s with that group ahead of us? They`re rather slow, aren`t they?
George: Oh, yes, that`s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: That`s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I`m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there`s anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can`t these guys play at night?
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing more...
Traveling on Indian Roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.
Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English:
ARTICLE I:
The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
ARTICLE II:
Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:
Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
ARTICLE more...