Slow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A police officer (who shall remain nameless) pulled over a red Porsche after it
had run a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please?"
"What's the problem, officer?"
"Your just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."
"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me".
"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways,
and proceed with caution."
"You gotta be kidding me!"
"It's no joke, sir".
"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles,
and proceeded with caution."
"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and
you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..."
"You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL! What's the matter, all the
doughnut shops closed?"
"Sir, I'll overlook that more...

Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it's so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
It doesn't show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
When we finally connect to a site,
It's time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.
The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we're still denying,
But as long as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

The Speed of Time by Age 0-9 Extremely slow. Even a trip to the store with Mom seems like going to Albania - by covered wagon. Most common phrase: "Is it Christmas yet?"10-19 Still slow. Scientific evidence seems to show that school clocks actually move backwards just before the bell rings.20-29 Alternately fast and slow. Weekends seem shorter and shorter, yet paychecks seem further and further apart.30-39 Time achieves warp speed, except when put on hold on the telephone and forced to endure anything longer than 5 seconds of Muzak. Most common phrase: "Is it Christmas already?"40-49 Still fast. Seems like just yesterday when Jerry Brown said he might run for President. Wait a minute! It WAS yesterday when he said that. Also, Dick Clark still looks the same. Could time be slowing down? 60-69 Hey! What happened to 50-59? 70 + Unbelievably fast. Wars used to last years. Now it seems like they're over in a couple weeks.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the
third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on
the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge!
Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George.
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
After a short more...

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" Doctor: "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" Priest: "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." Priest: "Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" George: "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. Priest: "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." Doctor: "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at thethird tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them.Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him.Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge! Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George.Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.After a short pause...Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night!

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at thethird tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them. Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him. Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge! Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George. Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. After a short pause. .. Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night!