Smells Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eggy Fart: Smells pretty much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.
Growling Fart: Happens deep within the rectum, therefore having no smell. Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vet.
Prelude to a Poopie: You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You quickly tense your buttocks, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.
Beefy One: Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!' Will smell a little like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog-turd.
Squeeky Fart: Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.
Trouser Ripping Special: Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This one genuinely hurts and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Those sitting nearby at the time will experience hearing more...

A lady is working hard in her office when a co-worker tells her that her hair smells good. Immediately, she goes to her boss and tells him that she has been sexually harassed.

"How?" asks the boss.

"He said my hair smells good," replied the lady.

"Wouldn't you take that as a compliment?"

"Normally I would, but he's a midget."

Christmas is one day, same day every year. December 25.
Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to
movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is
eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever
that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non-Jewish
friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar
so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar,
provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish
Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel
(especially in Florida).
Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the
same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we
survived, let's eat!!
Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume,
stereos... Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks,
or a the collected works of the Rambam which looks more...

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes
a genie.

The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I
will grant you one wish, anything that you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking
vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka
whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home
he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He
looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he
smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and
it is the best vodka
that he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come
quickly."

She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes
another glass out of the cupboard and more...

Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit's Finger

VAIN PERSON: One who loves the smell of his own fart
AMBITIOUS: Always ready for a fart
LAZY: Just fizzles
AMIABLE: Likes to smell others' farts
PROUD: Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant
SHY: Blushes when he farts silently
CARELESS: Farts in church
SMART ALEC: Farts when ladies are present
CLEVER: Farts and coughs at the same time
SCIENTIFIC: Bottles his farts
STINGY: Belches to save his ass-hole
TIMID: Jumps when he farts
CONCEITED: Thinks he can fart the loudest
UNFORTUNATE: Tries to fart but shits himself
FOOLISH: Suppresses a fart for hours
BEWILDERED: Can't tell his own fart from others
NERVOUS: Stops in the middle of a fart
MISERABLE: Can't fart at all
CONFUSED: Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way
to go
GROUCH: Grumbles when ladies fart
SNEAKY: Farts and blames it on the dog
DISSAPOINTED: Fart doesn't smell
CHILDISH: Farts and then more...

Q: what is green and smells like pork?
A: kermits fingers