Smoke Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa more...
Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven? Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.
A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished stoned jewelry.
"I am' Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first.
"I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich more...
Three little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings."
The second little boy pipes up, "Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his eyes."
The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, "My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt."
"Really, have you seen it?" reply the boys.
The third boy responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear....."
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.
After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said, "Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll kick your head in!"
I've tried all different tactics to quit smoking. I used to smoke about 2 packs a day. I would smoke when I first I got up..before breakfast...on the john...after meals...after sex... I always smoked when I was out drinking because the two went hand in hand. First I tried drinking without smoking...quit cold turkey..lasted for about 1 day. Next I tried smoking without drinking...quit Wild Turkey...lasted about 1 day too. Now I'm trying to only smoke when I drink which isn't working too well either to be honest. I'm doing shots first thing in the morning..before breakfast...on the john...after meals...after sex...
1.) THE PRINTER SHREDDER: This simple device can be added on to any printer, and will shred any document the comes out of it.
2.) FAKE MOUSE:a fake mouse runs in a wheel that is connected to your computer. as the mouse spins slower/faster, your screen will become darker/lighter "yeah. I just installed it. It really saves on power costs."
3.) AUTO BAD SPELLER: This program can take any document, randomly choose correctly spelled world and then spell them incorrectly.
4.) TALKING COMPUTER: This simple program, when put on someone's computer, whispers "psst! Hey Bob!" at random intervals.
5.) SMOKER: This simple add on makes a monitor smoke. The amount of smoke will increase with the length of time the computer is used.
6.) RANDOM ERROR: When installed, this will generate insensible error messages extremely often, no matter what they are doing at the time.
7.) TRACER: This program will generate messages more...