Snail Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was watching television when there was a knock on the door. He answered it, but only a snail was there. So he picked it up and threw it into the street.
Two years later, the man heard another knock on the door. He opened the door and it was the snail again. The snail says, "What was that all about?"

The landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there's a ring on the doorbell.
He opens the door, and there's a snail sitting there. "What do you want?" asks the landlord.
The snail replies that he wants a drink.
"Go away, we're closed, and we don't serve snails anyway".
The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, kicks the snail and slams the door.
... Exactly one year later, he's locking up again, and there's a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there. "What do you want" says the landlord.
"What did you do that for" says the snail.

A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out.A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'

A snail walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water.
The bartender then yelled "
get out of my bar"
!! He kicked the snail 20 feet away from the bar.
20 years later the snail comes back and asks "
why did you do that"
??

A snail went into a bar and the barman said, "What's that naked woman on your back?"
"That's Michelle," the snail said.

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and noone is there. He looks all around and he finally sees alittle snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up andthrows it across the street into a field.Ten years go by, and one day he hears a knocking on hisdoor. He opens it up and no one is there.He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snailsitting on the doormat.The snail looks up and says, "What the hell was that allabout?"

What did the slug say to the other who had hit him and run off?
I`ll get you next slime!

What was the snail doing on the highway?
About one mile a day!

What is the definition of a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!

What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall?
How slime flies!

How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty?
The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me"!

What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out!

What is the difference between school dinners and a pile of slugs?
School dinners come on a plate!

How do snails get their shells so shiny?
They use snail varnish!

Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of giants fingers!

Why is the snail the strongest animal?
Because he carries a house on his back!