Locking Jokes

The landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there's a ring on the doorbell. He opens the door, and there's a snail sitting there.
"What do you want?"
asks the landlord.
The snail replies that he wants a drink."
Go away, we're closed, and we don't serve snails anyway".
The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, picks the snail up, throws it as far as he can, and then slams the door shut.
... Exactly one year later, he's locking up again, and there's a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there.
"What do you want" says the landlord.
"What did you do that for" says the snail.

The owner of a bar is just locking up for the night when there is a knock at the door. He opens the door and there's a snail sitting on the doorstep.
''What do you want?'' asks the owner.
''I want a beer,'' says the snail.
''First of all, we're closed, and second of all, we don't serve snails. So go away!''
The snail begs and pleads for a beer. The owner finally gets fed up, kicks the snail, and slams the door.
ONE YEAR LATER...
The owner of a bar is just locking up for the night when there is a knock at the door. He opens the door and there's a snail sitting on the doorstep.
''What'd you do that for?'' asks the snail.

The owner of a bar is just locking up for the night when there is a knock at the door.

He opens the door and there's a snail sitting on the doorstep.

"What do you want?" asks the owner.

"I want a beer," says the snail.

"First of all, we're closed, and second of all, we don't serve snails. So go away!"

The snail begs and pleads for a beer.

The owner finally gets fed up, kicks the snail, and slams the door.

ONE YEAR LATER....

The owner of a bar is just locking up for the night when there is a knock at the door.

He opens the door and there's a snail sitting on the doorstep.

"What'd you do that for?" asks the snail.

Liberals want to solve the marijuana problem by making it legal.
Conservatives want to solve the wife-beating problem by making it legal.
Liberals want to strike down all abortion laws, so that unwanted babies can be killed off before they're born.
Conservatives want to strike down the welfare laws, so that unwanted babies can be starved to death after they're born.
The conservative would prevent rape by locking up his wife and daughters.
The liberal would prevent rape by legalizing prostitution. Neither considers locking up rapists, because the liberal says it's society's fault and the conservative says it costs too much money.

The landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there's a ring on the doorbell.
He opens the door, and there's a snail sitting there. "What do you want?" asks the landlord.
The snail replies that he wants a drink.
"Go away, we're closed, and we don't serve snails anyway".
The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, kicks the snail and slams the door.
... Exactly one year later, he's locking up again, and there's a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there. "What do you want" says the landlord.
"What did you do that for" says the snail.