Snakes Jokes / Recent Jokes
The frightened tourist: “Are there any bats in this cave? ”
The guide: “There were, but don’t worry, the snakes ate all of them. ”
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice. Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy. Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand. Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? A: To practice. A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop? A: Because of the abundance more...
When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland,
what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any
snakes!
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
I can't stop thinking like this.
This isn't all true.
You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.
I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?"
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!