Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walked over to a saleswoman to make a purchase.The woman realised the man had the flap of his pants open. She coined up a euphimism and told the man to close his barracks. The man was astounded and looked puzzled without knowing what was wrong until another man told him of his open flaps. He then zipped up, ran back to the saleswoman and asked, when you looked into the barracks, did you notice any soldiers standing on attention? The woman replied, no, I only saw an old drooping soldier worn out by many years of war with two worn out canon balls, one at each of his sides.

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "Thats not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "Thats it."

A critical shortage of typistsA soldier was asked to report to the headquarters sergeant for an assignment.The sergeant said,? We have a critical shortage of typists. I`ll give you a little test. Type this,? he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.? That`s fine,?" he said.? Report for work at 8 tomorrow.??But aren`t you going to check the test?? the prospective clerk asked.The sergeant grinned.? You passed the test,? he replied,? when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.?

Requesting a three day passAn Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?""Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier's other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately more...

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the butter!

School collection 21^
Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
Because they didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train!

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because his class was so bright!

1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?
2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
He couldn’t control his pupils!

Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to?
Pupil: Nobody I know!

First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?"

Second soldier: "No way, Jose!"

First soldier: "Whyever not?"

Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"