Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war-weary soldier asked: "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said; "You Americans, you are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked: "Please, lady, may I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down more...

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.

Do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!

It was a dark, stormy, night. Santa was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
A Brigadier stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous Santa snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The Brigadier, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
Well it wasn't a nice night, but Santa wasn't going to disagree with the Brigadier, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
The Brigadier continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
Santa didn't agree, but then Santa was just a soldier, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The Brigadier, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
Santa glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The Brigadier more...

There was this 8 year old kid who lived with his 82 year old grandma. He had been living with her for some time, and he thought, that with all the work she does, he could at least make her a cup of coffee in the morning.

So he woke up early one day, and made a cup of coffee and brought it to his grandma. She took one drink of it and died instantly. He called 911, and the paramedics rushed over there.

While examining the grandma, one of the paramedics pulls out a little plastic green soldier from her throat. After the paramedic learns that the kid made her coffee and put that soldier in there, of course, the first question is "why". The kid answered, "Grandma always said,' The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'!"

First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?" Second soldier: "No way, Jose!" First soldier: "Whyever not?" Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"

The ultimate response to a Dear John letter…
A soldier was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.
So the soldier did what any squared-away soldier would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
“I don’t remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back. ”
Now there is a real soldier!!