Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes

Civil War Era Humor The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War. BIGGEST MAN... The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent to a Richmond Prison where a Confederate entrepreneur put him on exhibit. Even Confederate President Jeff Davis came to see him and was astounded when the impish Van Buskirk claimed that back home in Bloomington Indiana, "when I was at the train station with my company, my six sisters came to say goodbye. As I was standing there, with my company, they all came up to me, leaned down and kissed me on top of the head." LETTER HOME... A young soldier left home to join the army. He told his girl friend that he would write every day. After about six months, he received a letter from his girlfriend that she was marrying someone else. He wrote home to his family to find out who she more...

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go and shoot myself."The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting.""Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off."When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed."Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting.""What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer."Me." said the soldier simply.

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure "You count toten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn'topen, pull the second. That should do it. Then, afteryou land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up." The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary"Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted toten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn'topen. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet thatgoddamn truck won't be there either!"

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go and shoot myself." The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

The Sad Tale of a' Dear. John' Letter

The soldier was serving overseas and far from home. He was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement. She added insult to the injury by asking for her photograph back.

He collected from his friends all of the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note:



Jane,

'Regret I can not remember which one is you. .. please keep your photo and return the others.'

--John

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked,' 'Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?''

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said,' 'You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fife is using that seat?''

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another'' trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked,' 'Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired.''

The English woman wrinkled her more...