Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes

A large group of Pakistani soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a Indian voice call from behind a sand dune. "One Indian Army soldier is better than ten Pakistanis."
The Pakistani commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Indian Army soldier is better than fifty Pakistanis."
Furious, the Pakistani commander sends his next best 50 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The Indian voice calls out again "One Indian Army soldier is better than one hundred Pakistanis."
The enraged Pakistani Commander musters one hundred of his best fighters and sends then across the dune. Gunfire, grenades, machine gun fire, rockets, etc. ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Pakistani fighter crawls back over the dune more...

A soldier in Vietnam saw a local man coming down the road with his wife behind him with a bicycle loaded with all their worldly possessions.

The soldier asked him why he carried nothing but a cigarette and his wife had to push the bicycle alone.

The man replied, "TRADITION".
Two weeks later he saw the same local man on the same road but this time she was in front and he was pushing the loaded bicycle.

The soldier asked him what happened to TRADITION and the man said "LAND MINES"

Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away - ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away - ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph - bulls-eye!
“I’ve got to get this guy! ” Ross said to himself. “He has the perfect arm! ”
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history.
The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and when Ross asks him what he wants, all the more...

A young soldier sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."
"Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."
The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."
The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off."
When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.
"Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."
"What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer.
"Me." said the soldier simply.

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety."Private," the officer said, "Im recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.""Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car
was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?”The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “General Wheeler.”“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.”
The general said, “Drive on!”The sentry said, “Hold it! You really can’t come through. I have orders to shoot if you
try driving in without a sticker.”The general repeated, “I’m telling you, son, drive on!”The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, “General, I’m new at this. Do
I shoot you or the driver?”

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.

"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."

"Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"