Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.The Earth Is Full -- Go HomeThis Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening to MeCleverly Disguised as a Responsible AdultThe Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My NameIlliterate? Write For HelpHonk If Anything Falls OffHe Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From the Next ExitWhere Are We Going and Why Am I In This Handbasket?It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream NowI Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk SomewhereRemember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed for 70mph.Boldly Going NowhereHeart Attacks... God's Revenge for Eating His Animal FriendsHow Many Roads Must a Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said "Kramer, your grandmother died." The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, "You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you." The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor's grandfather had passsed away. The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, "Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor!"

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said “Kramer, your grandmother died. ”
The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, “You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you. ”
The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor’s grandfather had passsed away.
The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, “Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor! ”

A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg". The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name. The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."

A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “Which
Branch of Service is the best?”St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.”Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the
answer.Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in
its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows:
“Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each one
of you has served your country well. Be proud of that.(signed)
GOD, USN (Ret.)”

A US soldier paid $500 for someone to shoot him in the leg so he would not have to return to Iraq. Too bad the Iraqi people don't have that option.

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again, Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!