Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes
A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant: - I can't drink from this mug. It has no opening. The sergeant examines the mug and says: - You are right. And besides this, it has no bottom.
Long, long ago, in a battle a soldier was shot in the leg, and suffered from constant pain. An officer in the troop sent for a surgeon versed in external medicine to treat the soldier's wound. The surgeon came to have a look, then said, "This is easy!" He cut off the arrow shaft at the leg with a big pair of scissors, and immediately asked for fees for the surgical operation. "Anyone can do that," the soldier, getting upset, cried, "The arrow head is still in the leg, why haven't you taken it out?" "My surgical operation is finished. The arrowhead in your leg should be cured by a physician who practices internal medicine."
Anonymous A soldier in Vietnam saw a local man coming down the road with his wife behind him with a bicycle loaded with all their worldly possessions. The soldier asked him why he carried nothing but a cigarette and his wife had to push the bicycle alone. The man replied, "TRADITION". Two weeks later he saw the same local man on the same road but this time she was in front and he was pushing the loaded bicycle. The soldier asked him what happened to TRADITION and the man said "LAND MINES"
During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of theadvancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens.Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entiredivision to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his more...
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked,' Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied,' He went that way.'
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,' I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq. .'
The nun said,' I understand completely.'
The soldier added,' I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'
The nun replied,' If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Iraq either.
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky.
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office. "Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?" Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!" General: "Very good son, that's 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"General: "Even better son, that's 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds" Soldier 3: "The more...