Soldier Jokes / Recent Jokes

First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?" Second soldier: "No way, Jose!"First soldier: "Whyever not?" Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"

Soldier Ivanov was ordered to peel a barrel of potatos. - In this day and age, the army should have a machine to peel potatos, complains Ivanov. - Absolutely, answered the sergeant. And you are its latest model.

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. “You see, ” he explained, “my wife’s expecting. ”
“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck. ”
The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: “My wife’s expecting. ”
The Officer looked surprised. “Still expecting? ” he said, “Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off. ”
When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. “Don’t tell me your wife is still expecting! ” he bellowed.
“Yes sir! ” said the soldier resolutely, “She’s still expecting. ”
“What in heaven is she expecting? ” cried the Officer.
“Me. ” said the soldier simply.

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said "Kramer, your grandmother died."
The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, "You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you."
The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor's grandfather had passsed away.
The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, "Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor!"

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said "Kramer, your grandmother died."The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, "You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you."The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor's grandfather had passsed away.The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, "Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor!"

Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak).

In one compartment of the train there are four people.

A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh.

Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.

It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.

When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off.

The old matronly woman thinks: "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"

The young woman is thinking: "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."

The Pakistani soldier is thinking: "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals more...

This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life.When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men, and she asked him why they were there.Her grandson replied, "On television, they say,' The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"