Songs Jokes / Recent Jokes

~ No roof damage from reindeer.
~ Never a silent night when you're among your Jewish loved ones.
~ If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days
to correct it.
~ Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocolate coins) on candle races.
~ You can use your fireplace.
~ Naked spin-the-dreidel games.
~ Fun waxy buildup on the menorah.
~ No awkward explanations of virgin birth.
~ Cheer optional.
~ No Irving Berlin songs.
~ There's no "Donny & Marie Chanukah Special."
~ Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).
~ No need to clean the chimney.
~ There's no latke-nog.
~ Burl Ives doesn't sing Chanukah songs.
~ You won't be pressured to buy Chanukah Seals.
~ You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown."
~ No barking dog version of "I had a Little Driedl."
~ No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.
~ Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.

Psychological Christmas Songs

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town. .. or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle more...

A musical set to the songs of Bob Dylan will close less than a month after it opened on Broadway, the show's public relations firm said in a statement on Wednesday.

The biggest problem? The musical was set to the songs of Bob Dylan.

~ No roof damage from reindeer.
~ Never a silent night when you're among your Jewish loved ones.
~ If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days
to correct it.
~ Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocolate coins) on candle races.
~ You can use your fireplace.
~ Naked spin-the-dreidel games.
~ Fun waxy buildup on the menorah.
~ No awkward explanations of virgin birth.
~ Cheer optional.
~ No Irving Berlin songs.
~ There's no "Donny & Marie Chanukah Special."
~ Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).
~ No need to clean the chimney.
~ There's no latke-nog.
~ Burl Ives doesn't sing Chanukah songs.
~ You won't be pressured to buy Chanukah Seals.
~ You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown."
~ No barking dog version of "I had a Little Driedl."
~ No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.
~ Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.

 Paul McCartney dedicated a few songs last night which I thought was nice. He sang songs for his pals George Harrison and John Lennon then dedicated My Love to Linda but the song that brought a tear to my eye was a new one he dedicated to Heather "Die you money hungry selfish bitch!"

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night clubahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, "I've never seen you in her before."The guy says, "Yes, I'm not from around here. I'm just passing through on myway to find a job."The owner asks, "What do you do?"The guy says, "I write music and play the piano."The owner, looking excited says, "REALLY! I have an ad in the paper lookingforsomeone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for meif you're interested."The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talentand musical abilities. The owner says, "You play the piano more beautifullythan anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?"The guy says, "I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fucking TheirBrains Out."The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, "My gosh, that's a more...

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night clubahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, "I've never seen you in her before." The guy says, "Yes, I'm not from around here. I'm just passing through on myway to find a job." The owner asks, "What do you do?" The guy says, "I write music and play the piano." The owner, looking excited says, "REALLY! I have an ad in the paper lookingforsomeone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for meif you're interested." The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talentand musical abilities. The owner says, "You play the piano more beautifullythan anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?" The guy says, "I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fucking TheirBrains Out." The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, "My gosh, that's a more...