South Jokes / Recent Jokes
The New Indian Railway is committed to bring the following changes with immediate effect in an endeavour to make it the most people-friendly railways in the world......
1. Re-introduce steam locos - to boost coal industry in Bihar.
2. Dismantle the reservation system, all seats will be open to
janata, no more reservations by upper cast and rich people.
3. A/C coaches will be abolished, A/Cs will be auctioned in
chhapra.
4. Shatabdi express to be renamed as Rabri Devi express.
5. 10 new trains to be introduced from different parts of Bihar to Patna.
6. All double lines to be reduced to single track to cut costs - the rails, sleepers etc to be auctioned in Muzaffarpore.
7. Samjhota express will run from Patna to Peshwar, however it will be converted to a goods train to carry fodder.
8. New maha bhoj - litti and sattu - to be served in all luxury trains - palace on wheels, deccan odyssey etc.
9. Re-zoning of railways: north Bihar, more...
Once upon a time there was a lazy sparrow who started his flight South too
late into winter. As he flew, the moisture froze on his little wings and he
crash landed on a farm yard. Unable to fly with frozen wings the sparrow wished
if someone could make him warm. Before long the farm cow came along and unloaded
a pile of dung on the sparrow, who went "Oh Dung! this is the last thing I need.
I wish someone would take me out of this pile of dung". However, the warm dung
made the sparrow warm and his wings began to thaw. Overjoyed, the sparrow began
to sing. The farm cat heard the singing and came to investigate, saw the sparrow
stuck in the dung took him out of the pile of dung and ate it.
The morals of the story are:
1. Anyone who lands a pile of dung on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Anyone who takes you out of the pile of dung is not necessarily tour friend.
3. If you are warm and happy even inside a more...
Q: What has two heads, four eyes, six legs and a tail?
A: A horse and its rider.
Q: What is as big as a horse but doesn't weigh anything?
A: The horse's shadow.
Q. Why was the hearse horse hoarse?
A. Because of the coffin
Q: Why are man with pierced ears better suited for marriage?
Q: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.
Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.
Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?
A: None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.
Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.
Reportedly a true story:
On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, South Africa; a middle-aged, visibly well-off white South African lady found herself sitting next to a well dressed black gentleman.
She called the cabin attendant over to complain about her seating.
'What seems to be the problem, Madam?' asked the attendant.
'Can't you see?' she loudly snapped,' You've sat me next to a Kaffir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting man. Find me another seat!'
'Please try to be calm, Mam,' the stewardess replied.' I believe the economy section is completely full today, but I'll go and check to see if we have any upgraded seats available in club or first class.'
The woman cocked a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (as well as many of the other nearby passengers). Minutes later the stewardess returned.
'Mam, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, more...
This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, October 1998. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-98.
IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.
BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITIANNIA! THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE more...
Northerners visiting the South Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:
1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
5. You may hear a Southerner say "Oughta!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do more...
South African Loses Foot to Shark...
blames casino for not having ATM on site.