Speeder Jokes / Recent Jokes

Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand.
The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog."
"Sure does."
"I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Two hundred dollars. That should do it."
"Sounds good."
The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting."
"I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to shoot that mangy dog."

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue."Can I see your license and registration, bub?", the cop inquired."But officer," the fellow started, "I can explain...""Shut yer trap, bub!" snapped the officer. "You're going downtownand sit a while till the sarge gets back.""But, officer, I think you really should know...""And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!"A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said,"Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding.He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Don't count on it," shot back the sap in the cell. "I'm the groom."

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue." Can I see your license and registration, bub?", the cop inquired." But officer," the fellow started, "I can explain...""Shut yer trap, bub!" snapped the officer. "You're going downtownand sit a while till the sarge gets back." "But, officer, I think you really should know...""And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!"A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said,"Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," shot back the sap in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Driving home one day, a speeder was going about 20 over the speed limit. Not long before a police car was flashing red lights behind him. He had a few drinks, so figured he would just outrun him by flooring the gas pedal. He hit 70, then 80, 90, 100 miles an hour. When the speedometer passed 110 and he still hadn`t shaken the cop off, the man decided to give up and pull over. The police officer got out of the cruiser and approached the car. Leaning down, he said, "Listen mister, I`ve had a really lousy day and I just want to get home. Give me a good enough excuse and I`ll let you go."
Thinking quickly, the man said, "Officer, two weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser following me, I thought you were that cop and that you were trying to catch up with me to give her back!"

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route more...