Spelling Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and a West Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them to complete the sentence: "Old MacDonald had a. .." The Indianan said, "Old MacDonald had a carburetor." "Sorry," said the MC. "That's incorrect." "Old MacDonald had a flat tire," said the Kentuckian. "Wrong," said the host. "Old MacDonald had a farm," said the West Virginian. "That's correct!" shouted the MC. "Now for $200,000, spell farm." The West Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully: "E-I-E-I-O."

Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi? Redneck: Which one? The river or the state?

Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it`s weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

-- Sauce unknown

"Mah son's real smart!" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. "He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!" "What's his name?" asked the friend. "Bob."

How you can spot a Canadian, eh? -Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers)

How do you tell a Canadian from an American?

It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet. When the Canadian got to the end, he`d say "zed" instead of "zee". But 18 years of Sesame Street have taught a lot of Canadian kids to say "zee," and it`s starting to sound as natural as it does south of the 49th parallel.

Another test used to be the word "lieutenant". Canadians pronounced it in the British was, "leftenant", while Americans say "lootenant". But American cop shows and army shows and movies have eroded that difference, too.

Canadians have been adopting American spelling as well. They used to put a "u" in words like labour. The main organization in the country, the equivalent of the AFL-CIO, is still officially called the Canadian Labour Congress. But news organizations more...

One day there was a boy at school and his teacher told him to get 4 spelling words.
1st he went to his Brother and asked “Could you give me a spelling word? ” His Brother answered “ShutUp” So he wrote down Shutup.
2nd he went to his Mother and asked her. She answered “Certainly” He wrote down certinly.
3rd he wen to his Dad and asked for somthing sweet. His dad answered Lolipop so he wrote down Lolipop.
4th he went to his little brother and asked the question. He answered “In my Little Blue Car”
The next day he went to school and his teacher asked for the words. He said his 1st word Shutup. Then she asked “Do you want to go to the principles office? ” He said is second word “Certainly”. In the principals office the principal asked what do you think you deserve, the boy answered “Lolipop!! ” Then the principal asked “What do you think your punishment should be? ” The boy answered “To go in my Little Blue Car!!!! ”

Luke had it first, Paul had it lost; boys never had it; girls have it but once; Miss Polly had it twice in the same place, but when she married Peter Jones she never had it again. What is it? The letter L.