Sperm Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. He said.... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said... You wear pants don't you?
2. He said... since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said... Well, you succeeded.
3. He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
4. He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
5. He said.... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said... I would but you are never there.
6. On a wall in a ladies room...."My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it..."I do not"
7. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to dothe dishes?
Both of them.
8. Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a more...

The background: Someone (No names, children!) walked in on his roommate and caught him masturbating. Consequently, he broke the "sinner"-s arm.
The question: Whoever said that masturbation is sinful, anyway?
The answer: "Every Sperm Is Sacred", Lyrics by Michael Palin and Terry Jones.
There are Jews in the world, there are Buddists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then
There are those that follow Mohammad, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes on,
You're a Catholic the moment Dad came, because
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm more...

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3, 000, 000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

U.S. researchers usinggenetically engineered male fruit flies with glowing sperm have trackedtheseed's progress inside the female. Scientists may losetheir Federal grant money unless they can stop the males fromsmoking after each trial.

A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked "What's the problem, pal?"

"My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $40 for a donation."

"Yeah, so?"

"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!"

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop and ask for directions.

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.
The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.
Doctor: What was the problem?
Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand... nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand... nothing. Her left hand... nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth... still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.