Sperm Jokes / Recent Jokes
An elderly man went to his doctor's office for a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day the man returned to the doctor and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as when the doctor gave it to him the previous day.
"What happened?" the doctor asked.
"It's like this," the man explained. "First I tried with my left hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with my right hand and still nothing.
Then I asked my wife to help. She tried with her left hand, but, nothing. Then she tried with her right, but still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in and then with them out, and still nothing.
We even called upon the lady next door. She tried with both her hands and her mouth, but nothing."
Shocked, the doctor said, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yes, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar more...
An 83 year old man went to the doctor for a physical. The doctor pronounced him in fine shape but the old man asked to have a sperm count done. "I don't think that's necessary," said the doctor, but the old man insisted so the doctor gave him an empty bottle and instructed him to fill it up and bring it back the following day. The next day the old man returns with an empty bottle. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well", the old man said, "I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand, my wife tried with her right hand, she tried with her left hand, she tried with her teeth in, she tried with her teeth out... We never could get the damn lid off the bottle!"
There is a couple that have a hard time having a child. So this couple goes to a sperm clinic to get a sperm for the wife. The doctor tells the couple to keep the whitesh looking liquid (sperms) in this cup he hands them in the refridgerator. So they go home and put the cup in the fridge. One day when it was finally time for the sperm, the couple looked into the fridge and could not find it! They are searching aorund everywhere and still don't find it. Then Sally (their adopted child) comes into the kitchen ready for school. Sally says "Ok I'm ready for school, oh and by the way thanks for that milk you left for me. It was very sweet."
...recent studies have shown that marijuana smokers have lower sperm count and slower sperm speed...turns out their sperm was stopping for munchies first.
Two of Bill's sperm were racing toward the cervix and the first one said,
"How far do you think it is to the fallopian tubes?"
The other one said "It can't be too far. I think we just passed the
tonsils."
What does one gay sperm say to the other? How are we supose to find an egg in all this shit?
These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing and one sperm asks the other... Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube??? Sperm #2 says "Naaaa this is still the esophagus".