Split Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. Aftera while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband. So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" "No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband." The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety split." To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no lickety split!"
Mary had a little skirt
Split right up the sides,
And every time she wore that skirt
The boys could see her thighs.
She also had another skirt
Split right up the front
But she never wore that one
Surprise Settlement Evenly Splits Microsoft; One Firm To Make Software, Other To Make Patches
Decision Keeps Redmond from Monopolizing Massive Microsoft Patch Industry
Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) — In a surprise settlement today with nine U.S. states, Microsoft agreed to be split into two independent companies — one that will continue to make Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software, and another, potentially larger company that will make patches for Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software.
Critics immediately charged that the settlement — which overrides a previous agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice — does nothing to diminish Microsoft's standing as the world's most powerful software company. But industry analysts argued that providing patches for security holes in Microsoft programs is a major, untapped growth industry, and applauded the states for not allowing Redmond to control it.
"Just consider, more...
Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley split up? He wanted children and she didn't want to get a sex change.
Professor Sokolsky was lecturing his Atomic physics class.He asked, "If molecules can be split into atoms and the atoms split into electrons, can the electrons be broken down any further?"
A pupil replied, "I'm not certain, but a sure way to find out would be to mail some of them in a Christmas package marked 'fragile'."
There were 3 guys that escaped from jail. They were out the gates and and almost to freedom. Suddenly a Guard walks out. The 3 guys that escaped said' we got to split up or he will find us!'. So the guys split up....... The guard walked by a tree and heard some rattling, The guard said whos there? WHO WHO The 1st escapee said. The guard said shoo, its just an owl. He started walking again
suddenly he heard a second tree move, he said whos there? ARF ARF The 2nd escapee said. The guard said shoo, its just a dog. So the guard was walking by a potato field. Suddenly he heard a sound. The guard said whos there. The 3rd escapee said P--O--T--A--T--O!
HINT < Hes acting like a potato. >