Split Jokes / Recent Jokes

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair!

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair!

Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies.
One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM).
The other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past Half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to have his way us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split up. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.

They did split up. The man decided to follow Sister more...

"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Virgil Smith. He is hiding
marijuana inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. The phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

a waitress askes a man and his friend what they want 1st man says"ill have a bannana split ".The second says"your legs split please n ill give u whiped creame".

Two nuns go out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So they split up and the man decided to go after Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried more...