Squeeze Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights, because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signsback to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 100 times"

A deaf couple married and found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out, since they couldn't see each other signing or lips to lip-read.
After numerous nights of fumbling around the wife decided she had a solution. "Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For example, if you want to have sex at night, squeeze my left breast once, if you don't, then reach over and squeeze my right breast twice."
Thinking it over, the husband agreed that it sounded like a great idea. He then suggested to his wife, "If you want to have sex at night, reach over and pull my penis once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my penis two hundred times."

Henry and his over-developed wife were sitting in the stands waiting for the football game to begin. A friend walked over, said, "Hello Henry," gave Henry's wife's breast a little squeeze and walked away.
A few minutes later another guy walked over, said, "Hello Henry," then, he too, fondled his wife's breasts and walked on.
This strange sequence of events went on for some time.
Finally a man sitting next to Henry spoke up, "Listen pal, It's none of my business, but isn't it a little odd that at least twelve guys came by, said hello to you then grabbed your wife by the breast? What's the story?"
Henry looked at him and moaned, " What can I do? If I leave her at home, she sleeps with everybody!"

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1, 000. 00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1, 000. 00, and asked the little man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or more...

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
The man more...

Three guys were talking in the local bar. The manager was so sure that its bouncer was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1, 000 bet that no could beat him.
The challenge was that the landlord would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters, karate masters, and all had failed. Then one day this geeky little fella with heavy black rimmed glasses came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the landlord said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar!
Everyone looked on in amazement as the landlord handed over more...