Squirrel Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were 3 bees, a squirrel and a man in a car.They were driving along a country lane and the car broke down.

The first bee said, " dont worry ill give us a few extra miles by peeing in the tank",
it worked, for a couple of miles that is until they broke down again. And so the second bee decided to do the same as the first bee, but this lasted another couple of miles until they broke down again, so the third bee did exactly the same.Then finally the car broke down.

The squirrel said " I'll pee in the tank"

The man replied, sorry mate, this car only runs on BP.

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Editor's note: Sound it out if you don't get it. If you still don't get it, I wouldn't bother trying...

A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back."Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no," says the man.
"You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and more...

Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine. "Hmmm" says the bear to the squirrel, "Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?"
"Yes it does" replies the squirrel.
"Great!" says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.

A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, "Father during the week I said the F-word."
The priest says, "Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary's and your sins will be forgiven."
The guy however was quite eager to explain to the priest why he had used the F-word and grudgingly the priest agreed to listen to his explanation.
"Well I was playing golf last Sunday instead of coming to church," said the guy.
"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.
"No," the guy replied. "I was on the first tee and I duck hooked my drive into this terrible rough."
"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.
"No," the guy replied getting quite annoyed with the constant interruptions to his story. "My ball took a lucky kick out of the rough and I was left with a perfect shot to the more...

A squirrel is chillin' in a tree when a cow climbs up and sits next to him.
"Whatcha doin' here?" asks the squirrel.
"I'm here to eat some apples."
"But this is a pine tree!"
"I know. I brought my own apples."