Squirrel Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, "Father during the week I said the F-word."The priest says, "Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary's and your sins will be forgiven."The guy however was quite eager to explain to the priest why he had used the F-word and grudgingly the priest agreed to listen to his explanation."Well I was playing golf last Sunday instead of coming to church," said the guy."Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked."No," the guy replied. "I was on the first tee and I duck hooked my drive into this terrible rough.""Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked."No," the guy replied getting quite annoyed with the constant interruptions to his story. "My ball took a lucky kick out of the rough and I was left with a perfect shot to the green.""Is that why you said the more...

A man walks into confessional and says, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned..." The priest replies, "What is it that brings you here?" "Well father, I used the F-word over the weekend." "Oh is that all? Say five Hail Mary's and may the Lord be with you." The man replies, "but I really need to talk about it." "Let's have it then," the priest says as he leans back on the hard wooden bench. You see Father, "I was playing golf this weekend and on the first tee, I was lining up my drive and proceeded to hit a horrendous slice into the trees." "And that's when you cursed aloud?" the Father queried. "No, not yet. As luck would have it, I found my ball and had a clear shot to the green from a nice lie; when all of a sudden, a squirrel scampered out of some bushes, picked up my ball by its teeth and darted up a tree." "That must have been when you cursed?"
"No, because just as the more...

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It? s my nut!"The first squirrel said, "That? s not fair! I saw it first!""Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn? t quarrel. Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I? ll take the meat."

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.
Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."

A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. "That's strange," said the fox. "Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree." "Listen, bud," replied the boy squirrel. "Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in love?"

An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, ma'am," said the manager smoothly. "After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"

A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, "Father during the week I said the F-word." The priest says, "Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary's and your sins will be forgiven." The guy however was quite eager to explain to the priest why he had used the F-word and grudgingly the priest agreed to listen to his explanation." Well I was playing golf last Sunday instead of coming to church," said the guy." Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked." No," the guy replied. "I was on the first tee and I duck hooked my drive into this terrible rough." "Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked." No," the guy replied getting quite annoyed with the constant interruptions to his story. "My ball took a lucky kick out of the rough and I was left with a perfect shot to the green." "Is that why you said the more...