Squirrel Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "Its my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "Thats not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldnt quarrel.
Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, Ill take the meat."
A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father," says the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again.
"Well, no." says the man. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came more...
A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back." Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest." I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man." After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away." "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no," says the man." You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly more...
Tired of hearing how he was the greatest shot in the state, Frank bet Oscar that if they went in the woods, he could find an animal he couldn’t hit. Oscar’s ego was such that he accepted the bet willingly, and the next morning the two men went tramping through the woods.
Suddenly Frank spotted a squirrel at the top of a distant tree. The towering oak had to be a thousand yards away… beyond the range of his companion’s shotgun. “There, ” he said, “Hit that squirrel. ”
Taking aim, Oscar fired; an instant later the squirrel scurried down the tree.
Frank beamed, “Well ole pal, looks like you lose. ”
“Lose? ” Oscar declared. “You just witnessed a miracle. ”
“What miracle is that? ”
“A squirrel running with it’s heart shot out. ”
A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.""What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back."Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest."I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.""Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man."After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.""Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no," says the man."You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly more...