Squirrel Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes to the confessional and begins, "Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I
feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going
to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the
fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100
yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father," says the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his
mouth, and began to run away."
"Is that when you swore?" asks the priest again.
"Well, no," says the man. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle
came down out of the more...

Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine. "Hmmm" says the bear to the squirrel, "Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?" "Yes it does" replies the squirrel." Great!" says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.

Q. Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
A. To keep its nuts dry.

Q: Why was the squirrel swimming on his back?
A: Because he wanted to keep his nuts dry!

How do you catch a carpenter squirrel (Definition: a squirrel that likes power tools)?
Go to Home Depot and pretend to be nut-wood.

An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, maam," said the manager smoothly. "After all, youve never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"

Q. Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
A. To keep his nuts warm!
Q. Why did the rooster cross the basketball court?
A. It heard that the referee was blowing fouls.