Stanley Jokes / Recent Jokes

STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you. ERAP: Sorry, I don't accept bribes. STANLEY HO: I'll just sell it to you for P100. ERAP: Okay, I'll get two!

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.

After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when ½ of all Americans don't have health insurance?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, Question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his more...

After WWII, two Poles returned to their destroyed village to locate the first one's wife. Going through the rubble, Victor came across a dismembered arm and called over, "Hey, Stanley, wasn't this Anya's arm? I think this is the wristwatch you gave her." "I dunno, Victor," said Stanley, and they continued the search. A little while later, Victor came across a severed leg." Stanley, couldn't this be part of Anya? She had great legs." Stanley shrugged and they walked on. Finally the energetic Victor came across a woman's head, which he held out at arm's length for his friend's inspection." Nope," said Stanley at last. "Anya was a lot taller."

Stanley Livingston, in deepest Africa, finds a cannibal restaurant. The specialty of the day is brains - fried doctor brains for twenty bucks, sautéed architect brains for twenty-five bucks, and roasted attorney brains for two hundred bucks. Livingston, perplexed, asks the waiter why the attorney brains are so costly. The waiter snorts, "Do you know what a job it is to clean those suckers?"

Stanley and Martha, 94 and 86 respectively, are excited about their decision to get maried and decide to go for a stroll to discuss their wedding plans. On the way, they pass a drugstore and Stanley suggests they go in.
"Are you the owner?" Stanley asks the man behind the counter.
"Yes, I am," the pharmacist replies.
"Do you sell heart medication?" asks Stanley.
"Yes, sir, we sure do," the pharmacist says.
"How about medicine for circulation?" inquires Stanley.
"Many different kinds," replies the pharmacist.
"What about medicine for rheumatism?" Stanley asks.
"Absolutely," answers the pharmacist.
"How about Viagra?" asks Stanley.
"Most definitely," the pharmacist answers.
"Medicine for memory?" Stanley inquires.
"Yes, sir, we have a large variety," replies the pharmacist.
"What about vitamins and sleeping more...

Stanley was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, he was greeted at the pearly gates by the Lord Himself.
"Are you hungry, Stanley," asked the Lord.
"Yes, I could eat," Stanley replied. So, the Lord opened a can of tuna and they shared it.
While eating this humble meal, Stanley happened to glance down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants there were devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka.
The following day, the Lord again asked Stanley if he was hungry and again Stanley said, "Yes, I could eat." Once more, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Stanley couldn't help but notice a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy and chocolates.
The next day, mealtime arrived and yet another can of tuna was opened. Not wanting to appear ungrateful, Stanley meekly said, "Lord, I am very happy to be in Heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is Heaven and all I get to eat is more...

Stanley was in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of I. Q. and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
Stanley's wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"