Statistics Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. They speak only the Greek language.2. They usually have long threatening names such as Bonferonni, Tchebycheff, Schatzoff, Hotelling, and Godambe. Where are the statisticians with names such as Smith, Brown, or Johnson? 3. They are fond of all snakes and typically own as a pet a large South American snake called an ANOCOVA.4. For perverse reasons, rather than view a matrix right side up they prefer to invert it.5. Rather than moonlighting by holding Amway parties they earn a few extra bucks by holding pocket-protector parties.6. They are frequently seen in their back yards on clear nights gazing through powerful amateur telescopes looking for distant star constellations called ANOVA's.7. They are 99% confident that sleep can not be induced in an introductory statistics class by lecturing on z-scores.8. Their idea of a scenic and exotic trip is traveling three standard deviations above the mean in a normal distribution.9. They manifest many psychological disorders because as young more...

Prof. of Algebra: kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy: kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: kiss is a noun that is more...

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replied, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

66.A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indialns have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you."

Statistics are like a bikini; What is revealed is interesting; What is concealed is crucial.

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that Native Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"He coolly replied, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:
Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose more...