Statue Jokes / Recent Jokes
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know more...
In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life.
The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it more...
A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed:
"Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".
The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.
The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."
One morning 2 priests head to the showers and it isn't until they are
already in the shower they both realize they did not bring any soap.
Father Jack decides he'll run back for the soap, he checks out the
hallway, no one around so rather than get dressed he decides to make a
run for it. He checks the hall before heading back to the showers,
all clear, so he makes a break for it, just as he turns the corner to
the showers he spots three nuns walking towards him. With no where to
go he stands perfectly still, holding the 2 bars of soap hoping the
nuns will think he's a statue.
The nuns approach, "oh my look at that, isn't that the most life like
statue you've ever seen?" the first asks. She steps up for a closer
look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest's dick.
Startled he drops the 1st bar of soap. "oh heaven's" she exclaims
"I got a bar of soap".
The 2nd nun amazed at more...
After extensive DNA testing, the Army announced that the statue toppled in Baghdad three years ago, was actually of a Saddam look-alike.
They continue to search for the real statue.
Citizens will now vote on whether the statue should be the young cool Fonz who barely had a speaking role or the old fat Fonz who jumped over a shark in his leather jacket.
In a spy novel I had just read, the hero hid a letter in a particular statue in Washington, D.C. Since I was in that city at the time, on a whim I decided to see if the statue really contained the small niche the author had described. To my great surprise, it did - and a cellophane-wrapped letter was inside. After a moment's hesitation, I pulled out the letter, opened it, and burst into laughter. An unidentified reader had penned, "Good book, wasn't it?"