Steven Wright Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven`t had a barbecue in a long time.

I bought some powdered water, but I don`t know what to add to it.

Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

I don`t like the sound of my phone ringing, so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can`t hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this [ [ [ ] ] ] [ [ ] ] [ [ [ ] [.

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We`re surrounded."